


Harry Potter being done with the Wizarding Worlds bullshit

by jesika_rawal



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Clueless purebloods, Confused Purebloods, Dark Lord, Draco Malfoy is Clueless About Muggle Things, Draco not knowing about muggles, Gen, Harry Potter done with the Wizarding worlds bullshit, Olny briefly, Sassy Harry Potter, Severus Snape Bashing, Severus done with Harry, The Golden Trio Era (Harry Potter), The boy who asked, as Nicki Manji, i spelt Nicki Minaj, like from Star Wars, no beta testing we die like men, not even directly, so like Darth Vader, spelling mistakes, the fuck is that, what the hell do they mean most haunted place, whats ‘Super Bass’?, why did no one tell me, wifi?, you-know-who?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24750577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesika_rawal/pseuds/jesika_rawal
Summary: Harry Potter is muggles raised, the books often forget that. Why is Harry not more muggleborn like, why the hell does he not make any muggle references to muggle shit. This is the boy that went ‘no need to call me Professer, sir.’ So basically Harry being sassy and annoying the pure bloods.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 132





	1. Chapter 1

“The shrinking shack’s the most haunted place in Hogsmeade.”

“What do you mean the most haunted place, we have literal fucking ghosts at Hogwarts.”

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“Does anyone have any questions.” 

Harry’s hand shot up slapping Draco in the face, was he trying to imitate Hermione?

“Yes, my boy.”

“What’s the wifi password?”

Dumbledore peered down at Harry from his half crescent spectacles, eyes twinkling. 

The purebloods begin to murmur ‘what’s wifi?’, ‘Is that a cult?’, ‘The boy who asked?’

“I know that you wizards have this medieval aesthetic going on, with your quills and parchment, but please for the love Jesus, tell me you have wifi.”

“The password is ‘Lemon drop 9 3/4’ with a capital ‘L’, my boy.”

All the muggle borns along with Harry whipped out their phone. The older ones couldn’t believe they went years with out wifi, why the hell had no one asked?

“Thank you, Gandalf.” 

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“Ah, Harry Potter our local celebrity.”

Harry looks up eyes shining and lips turned up, he had been waiting for this opportunity, finally someone said it.

“Thank you sir, I feel like Nicki Minaj.” 

Snape sneered down at him how dare he be so smug about that, the only reason he was famous was because of Lily. Sweet innocent lovely Lily how dare the Potter scum, just like his idiotic father. 

He opened his mouth to retort but thought, who in Salazar name was Nicki? What a horrendous name choice.

“10 points from Gryffindor for that cheek, Potter. And who exactly is this Nicki Minaj, you speak of.” 

Harry gasps, looking like he’d just been slapped with a knife. 

Ron groans banging his head on the table, Hermione just sighs already knowing what’s coming.

“Professer, you must be joking, you don’t know who Nicki Minaj is?”

“Why do you think I asked, Potter.” 

He sneered again, Harry hoped his face didn’t stay like that, he was already disturbing enough with his Mt. Everest sized nose. 

The Slytherins snickered while Draco’s band of clowns snorted. Harry personally thought it made the Pansy girl ever more like the pug she was.

“Nicki Minaj is a queen, a goddess, the president if the barbz win of course. Nicki Manji is the best rapper in the history of rap.”

The Slytherins gasp, muggle had royalty? and what was a ‘rapper’. 

Snape sniffed, “Care to explain what exactly is a ‘rapper’, Mr. Potter.” 

Harry beamed and started to rap ‘Super Bass’ by Nicki Minaj ™. 

The pure-bloods soon realised just how advanced muggles really were, how was it possible to speak that fast? Was it because of a spell? 

From then on all Hogwarts students could be seen trying to figure out what in Merlins name was a ‘Super Bass’?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no idea I was gonna get so many kudos, thank you so much to everyone that liked and read my story, I love you all 🥺❤️ and I hope everyone has a great day 🖤✨🌑

“Nearly headless, how can you be nearly headless?” 

“Shouldn’t you be more concerned that there’s a ghost, instead of the fact that it’s nearly headless?” 

Harry pointedly stared at Hermione, he really hoped she wasn’t being effected by the wizards why of thinking, bunch of loonies if you asked him. Madder then an hatter. 

“Honestly what is wrong with magical folk, with their ghosts and you’re a wizard Harry, and who drops a bombshell like that out of no where? Well obviously I’m a wizard or I wouldn’t be at Hogworts, the school of Witchcraft and Wizardry would I?” 

Harry rolls his eyes, if this was one day he didn’t wanna image what 7 years would be like, well as long as he didn’t have to fight any trolls or other dangerous magical creatures. 

Not that Hogwarts could have any dangerous creatures in the first place, it is the so called safest place in Great Britain. 

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“Ah, oh my goodness, explain your selfs both of you.” 

McGonagall points a shaking finger at Harry and Ron. Taking in the demolished bathroom sinks, flattened cubicles and one slightly panicked dusty Hermione Granger. 

“It’s my fault professer McGonagall.” 

Harry and Ron turn to look at her, Ron with shock and surprise, Harry with a confused frown. What was she on? It’s not as if any of them would get in trouble for saving her. 

Besides Harry had tried telling Ron, that little piece of ginger shit, that they shouldn’t have stayed behind to sneak a few snacks in, instead of following the prefects. 

Of course the freckled bastard hadn’t listened, so then they got lost, all because for some reason Dumbledore couldn’t afford to provide maps, but can have enough floating candles to light the great hall, which was the size of a foot ball stadium. 

Harry privately thought that there had to be some type of corruption scheme going on, how else does one explain the shitty budget. 

Then again maybe it because wizards are great at prioritising. Almost as much at they are at using logic and common sense. 

“Miss Granger.” 

Professer McGonagall, Professor Quirrell and Professor Snape turn to look at her, all with various levels of disbelief. 

Harry thought that Quirrell just looked constipated, or like he was going to be sick, maybe even both if he was feeling particularly cowardly. 

Hermione took a deep breathe. Like she was about to state that Quirrell was Voldemort in disguise or something. Harry mentally snorted. As if. 

“I went looking for the troll-“ 

“Sorry to interrupt, but that’s definitely not how it happened.”

Was Hermione trying to get in trouble? for someone that thought getting expelled was worse then death, she was pretty reckless.

“What actually happened was that someone decided that since Hermione’s absolutely brilliant in class and they’re not

,Harry pointedly stared at Ron, the lanky git, 

to bully her for her academic success, and belittle her for actually trying her best in class. So she was crying in the bathroom, like any sane 11 year old would do when being confronted with bullies

,at that he smiles at Hermione, hoping to come as understanding, conveying that he had faced his fair share of bullies as well, honestly fuck little dubbers, 

as she ended up missing the feast, and me and Ron-“ 

“So you two decided to be typical naive foolish Gryffindors and try saving the day, just like your blasted father, always trying to save the day with his pathetic-“ 

Professor Snape was almost frothing at the mouth, ranting passionately about how awful James Potter was, and how poor poor precious Lily didn’t deserve him and how- 

Before Harry cut him off, he seemed to be cutting of more people the more he stayed in the Wizarding world, he was slowly kissing his sanity good bye. 

“Actually Professer, what happened was Ron decided it would be a good idea to stay behind just long enough to sneak some food, during the time that it took me to convince him that that was not a good idea, all the prefects had left. And we didn’t want to bother the teachers so we went along by yourselves-“

“Think you’re good enough to navigate Hogwarts by yourself, now, do you boy, think you’re better then-“

Harry internally sighed, at this rate he would never finish his story, and he was utterly famished after the little troll adventure. Which, with luck, would never be repeated, ever again. 

“No, sir, we decided to carry on by ourselves because the troll was reported to be in the dungeons, and no matter how obscure Hogwarts hallways are, we doubted we would end up there. But obviously it was not in the dungeons, but actually the girls bathroom on the second floor.” 

He put extra emphasis on ‘second floor’ to express the fact that he thought Quirrell was a right bastard that could not be trusted. He was probably the one that let the troll in to the schools, fucking strutting arsehole. 

“Well then this,

He wildly gestured around to the destroyed bathroom and most likely dead troll. 

Quirrell in the show of great bravely mixed with the fakest thing he’s ever seen, faints. Snape sneers and McGonagall pursers her lips. 

“Well then 5 points... to Gryffindor each for sheer dumb luck and quick thinking needed when saving a fellow classmate.” 

Ron smiles and Hermione hesitantly returns it back, with Harry wondering what the fuck was wrong with the points system. You got 10 points for answering questions, but defeating a troll only gets you 5? 

Harry sighed, just another sign of corruption, at this rate Hogworts would be worse the police force and American government combined. 

Harry wondered what would happen if he accidentally abolished the magical government, would it be for the better or the worse? 

If he got really bored he could always test out the theory of how good the Ministry défenses were. 

Which was a solid ‘what the a load of bullshit’ considering all the sneaky little death eaters that got of free as they were ‘forced’ to be so under the Imperius curse. 

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“Nope, by no means, will I ever ride a bloody broom 50 feet up in the air.” 

Harry started down the broom, glaring at it as if it had personally offended him. People must be crazy if they thought he was ever getting on that thing, ever. 

Brooms were meant to be used to clean with, not be ridden. Honestly, who the hell even come up with the idea of enchanting a broom to fly. 

Fucking wizards and there stupid ideas.

Coach Hooch sighed, there was always one of these overly logical children. Damn brats and there stupid questioning of everything.

It was magic for Merlins sake, of course it didn’t make sense. 

“Mr. Potter, I can assure you that the brooms are perfectly-“ 

“I’m sorry Madam Hooch, I know from experience that wizards aren’t the most rational when it comes to dangerous objects and kids.” 

At that he did a surprising good imitation of Dumbledore’s speech. 

“And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death.” 

“Like seriously, what is this, a series of unfortunate events or some shit.” 

“But I am not getting on that- that thing.”

Harry dramatically points a accusing finger at a rather stranger contraption that consists of a long wooden stick with straws attached at the end, though all the straws are either bent or twisted. 

Centuries back, all the way back to when dear old Tommy Riddle was just a little widdle boy, that object could be passed of as a broom. 

“Not even my Aunt would force me to sweep with that, in fact it is so hideous that my cousin would be able to overtake Usain Bolt, if he was forced to ride that. And my cousin doesn’t like exercise.” 

“Well, unless it’s to catch me and beat me up.” 

The last part was mumbled, but all the Slytherin firsties heard it. They all exchanged confused looks and slightly angry looks. But if anyone asked would deny it to there graves. 

Slytherins do not sympathise would Gryffindors, especially not Potter.


End file.
